This article’s intended audience are dominants (doms) active in financial domination (findom) and assumes familiarity with the topic.

The word addiction is often used as a hyperbole for something people love. Genuine addiction however affects not only the addict but also those who come in contact with the addict, especially if this contact is more than incidental. If a dom interacts with a findom addict this will at some point involve unpleasant experiences for the dom because of how addiction affects the D/s dynamics.

Within the findom scene, for a dom to be concerned over addiction to findom seems to be as much taboo as findom is in everyday life. This adds to the problem for doms of having these unpleasant experiences. Not all taboos are bad or need to be abolished. Addiction though is a major mental health issue, so this taboo impacts the addict. But there are downsides for the dominant as well.

Doms tend to contact other doms and even form groups. This is much less common for subs – they rarely interact directly with other subs. This means that, compared to doms, they have less support. And that matters.

Many subs then look to their dom for support. Which (from a bdsm viewpoint) they should, and an ethical dom probably will provide. But the vast majority of findom activity plays out online. And it is difficult to provide support through online media. In fact, it is difficult online to reliably tell in the first place whether a sub needs the dom’s support or not.

Some ‘fin-doms’ are not of the ethical/bdsm kind. Some do not want to be supportive to their sub. Still, such doms too may want to avoid having an addict as a sub. In fact, all doms may want to point an addicted sub towards help. Here is a list of common traits of a findom addict, to explain why doms may want to avoid having them as a sub, before we get into the “how”.

Findom addicts are:

• Selfish
  Because their only motivation is to get that fix (a need that cannot be fulfilled). This is not always obvious because they go to great lengths to get that fix. Which appears on the surface as if they are generous. But they try to give just enough – and no more than that – to get their fix. If this is not working out as intended, they become disgruntled, and this will usually have them causing drama.
• Unreliable
  Because they do not respect or even know their own boundaries. Why would they not respect their own boundaries? Well, see the previous point: them getting their fix is paramount – supersedes even their own boundaries. This might sound to some doms as just an opportunity for more profit. But the addict realises at some point what they did and will try to undo it. This means they will not fulfill promises, they will revert payments. And those doms who build a relationship with their subs: these subs tend to disappear without notice.
• Liars
  The most effective liar is one who does not know they are lying. Often this is the findom addict. Their minds are filled with things they tell themselves that are not true. (It is one of the benefits of recovering in groups: they need others to help them filter out the bullshit they tell themselves.) Willful lying also occurs, because if getting their fix is more important than family or financial stability it is certainly more important to them than being honest with the dom. This includes lying about their mental state – convincing the (ethical) dom that all is well.
• Immoral and disloyal
  “Immoral” may seem like a good fit for some fetishes like homewrecking (what that may say about the nature of the fetish aside), but an addict will go above and beyond. It will include: ‘cheating’ on the first dom with a second dom, and slander and harassment towards the dom. Even using one dom as part of the ‘play’ with the next. Which can result in actions that impact the former.
  Disloyal specifically because anything that has become ‘the new normal’ loses part of the thrill. And addicts will always be seeking the next biggest rush.

Are addicts then just horrible people? Well, no, certainly not by definition. The above might be considered horrible behaviour, but there is important context to impart here. Addiction is not a choice. Numerous studies have shown trauma to be a key factor in the development of addiction⁴.

In all my years as a physician, I have never, ever met an addicted person who wanted to be an addict.

Dr. Nora Volkow, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse

Hopefully, this made you as a dom, want to try to recognise an addict when you are talking to one. If so, there is some bad news: you cannot be ‘on the money’ (pun intended) all the time. You will be interacting with addicts no matter how diligently you avoid them – as implied in the forementioned list. But there are signs to look for. Some of these may be difficult¹ to spot if your contact with the sub is exclusively online.

Signs to look for:

• Is behind on bills. (The no-brainer one.)
• Has tried to quit and keeps trying to quit. (The standard one.)
• Shows little to no interest in being productive: in work or school.
  Beyond that: shows a willingness to put these at risk.
• Shows little to no interest in social life: in family or friends. Even a small social circle needs upkeep.
  Beyond that: shows a willingness to put these at risk.
• A noticeable lack of energy doing daily activities. Can be apparent in piled up dishes, unclean living space.
• Strobe like presence. A back and forth in mental state causes frequent deactivation and reactivation of online accounts.

If you prefer seeing some of these in your subs…please take a moment to reflect on what you are offering them. Each of these causes harm.

Okay so now you’ve noticed some of your subs, or subs you’ve interacted with in the past, may be addicted to findom. But why would you help? There are two reasons. There is a self-interest for you, and a more general ‘doing good’ – I won’t go into the proven benefits of altruism here.

The first: you want it to be less likely that this addict contacts you again. For this reason, you benefit from being clear about wanting what’s best for them. Addicts actively seek to numb, and to self-destruct, if they’re being honest. So, if you point the addict towards genuine care and support this can be a turn off to them. In this case that’s a positive thing for you. Furthermore, if you refuse to engage in findom with them, that obviously discourages them. This spares you the drama, the reverted payments etc.

The second: you want to do the right thing (thank you – an addict is a person in pain). But what is the right thing to do?

The right thing does not include taking it upon yourself to get the addict out of this mess. Sorry to bring it to you, but you are the person the least suited for that. Some doms feel that how they are used to exert control would make a good approach to ‘force the sub into better habits’. Commendable as it may be, it will not work. Addiction lies deeper than habit forming. As Gabor Maté puts it:

The first question is not why the addiction; it’s why the pain?

Dr. Gabor Maté

Profound change can only come from within; paradoxically when the addict gives up fighting the addiction by themselves. That is when they become accepting of help.

What you can do is to point them in the right direction:

• Refer them to F.A.A.²
• Refer them to S.L.A.A.³
• Suggest they talk about it to a mental health care professional.

Though it is highly unlikely that they will do any of these things after you brought them up, you will at least have planted some seeds that will be there when the moment comes that they find it in themselves to call for help.

1. The intricacies involved in, and limits to avoiding findom addicts when findomming will be discussed in an upcoming article.
2. F.A.A. – Findom Addicts Anonymous is a community of addicts supporting each other in recovery from findom addiction. Find on Reddit and Twitter (hashtag #f20s).
3. S.L.A.A. – Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition oriented fellowship based on the model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous. Website: https://www.slaaonline.org/
4. Trauma as a factor in the development of addiction:

• “Trauma exposure is a robust predictor of substance use and disorders, as well as a host of related behaviors, such as risk-taking and sensation-seeking.” – Najavits et al. (2014)
• “A significant relationship between trauma and addiction has been found across a variety of substances, including alcohol, opioids, cocaine, and nicotine.” – Back et al. (2010)
• “The co-occurrence of trauma and addiction is particularly common among individuals with PTSD, and may be driven in part by attempts to self-medicate PTSD symptoms.” – Kessler et al. (1995)
• “Traumatic experiences can disrupt normal brain function and increase the likelihood of addiction by altering reward processing, stress responses, and decision-making.” – Sinha (2008)
• “Addiction can be seen as an attempt to cope with the distressing memories, emotions, and physiological reactions associated with trauma.” – Herman (1992)